I was brought up in a "Christian-type" home, meaning I went to church, learned good manners, I didn't cuss or swear, I obeyed my parents, I didn't steal, and so on.
After I graduated from high school, I moved out to college and was at last free to do what I wanted to do and when I wanted to do it. I was especially glad that I wouldn't have to go through any more boring old church services! (At least while I
was living at college).
It wasn't too long before my new acquaintences convinced me that I couldn't have any fun unless I had some vices. At first I was reluctant, probably because I had been such a goody-goody boy all my life. But before the end of my 2nd quarter, I found myself heavily involved in the raucous lifestyle typical at a secular campus (getting drunk with the other guys on weekends, etc., etc.), and really enjoying myself. We'd tell each other dirty stories and the more experienced guys, that is those who at some time had encountered VD (veneral disease), would give us less experienced guys pointers on how we could get it, too. I was real eager to hear their advice on how to seduce women, probably because having been such a lonely person before starting college, I subconsciously thought that through sex, I could become close to some personality outside of myself, thereby fulfilling my deep loneliness.
In the suite across the hall from me, there was a student who was known to go home on weekends and go to church. I really felt sorry for this religious guy because he was missing out on all the fun us "cool" guys were having. When he was there during the week, he seemed, though, to have a confident assurance within himself that everything would go okay with him. And this got me curious.
Now sometimes on Saturday nights, my friends who lived in this religious guy's suite would watch TV there. This religious fellow had left some little illustrated booklets on the lampstand and the guys and I would sometimes talk about what they said. Some of the booklets told about how the Lord Jesus Christ created the universe and how he visited the earth in human form with the definite purpose of dying for sinners. Others told about the events recorded in the Bible hundreds of years ago that were alleged to happen shortly before Jesus Christ returns to earth. I was really surprised at some of the prophecies because I could see that many of them could not have been fulfilled hundreds of years ago, but because of technology and other things they were entirely possible now. This changed my then recently formed opinion that the Bible was just an old antiquated book, irrelevant to the here and now.
Almost all of the booklets mentioned that the Bible says we must all receive Jesus Christ as our own Lord and Savior. Every time I saw this, I started wondering about what it meant. I knew, or at least thought I knew I was a Christian already. After all, I had never done any of those "bad" sins like murder, or rape, or stealing. I rationalized to myself that if I kept from infringing upon another person's rights, I would be fulfilling my obligation to God. I sure didn't want to go to hell when I died, and I had always hoped that I'd go to heaven. So I reasoned that if I kept the good deeds outweighing what I thought were the bad deeds, I could hope to escape hell. And besides, I had been
confirmed when I was 12.
Well, I continued living my self-righteous, lustful living, living it up more and enjoying it less, all the time wondering whether or not I had, at any time in the past really become a Christian.
During the subsequent spring quarter, there was a table set up near the school cafeteria for a week or so promoting a training session for Christians. There was a student manning the table, and there was literature which he was passing out and personally explaining to interested people. I dropped by there after lunch once, and after he presented the plan of salvation to me, I bombarded him with all the questions I could think of the get around the issue. This guy had a hare-lip which made me feel sorry for him because I knew how people will mistreat deformed people. But I was able to detect a certain peace and confidence in him that defied explanation. Well, I glanced at my watch, quickly said goodbye and hurried off to my class.
Two days later, I passed by that table and that blankety blank 'Christian' was
there again. I stopped by and starting laying on the heavy questions again. The strange thing was that he was able to answer most of them! Well, after running out of questions to ask him, he asked me if I would like to receive Christ. I thought of that picture in the gospel booklet of an angel having to throw the lost into a huge lake of fire because they were still in their sins. I thought of the one depicting Jesus bleeding and dying on the cross paying the penalty of sin even though he was guiltless. I thought of the strange peace and confidence that my religious friend across the hall had, and also, the inner qualities that this hare-lip guy had who should have been sitting in a corner feeling sorry for himself, but instead was obviously much happier than I was. I told him, "Yes, I would like to do what I should do to be saved." So I closed my eyes, and he guided me through a short prayer to the Lord Jesus Christ in which I told Him "Right now, I depend on you alone, Jesus, to forgive all my wrongs and save me. I submit to your work in my life to make me the kind of person you want me to be."
Later on that day, I was walking across campus reflecting on what had happened to me. My lifetime of believing that I must struggle to EARN eternal life was over! And as I realized that I had gotten it merely by stopping my effort and embracing Christ as my master, I was filled with a freeing sense of peace and joy I had never known before. Later on, as I gradually got to know Christ even better, I discovered that my loneliness was significantly fading, as I now had a good friend who was always with me and giving me wise guidance. In the years since then, I've failed him many times, but his word the Bible, confirms that he always forgives me and helps my attitude to do better next time.
